*Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour’s dog barking. It has been barking for hours and hours.
Patty jumps out of bed and says “I’ve had enough of this.” He goes downstairs. Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says. “The dog is still barking, what you you done?” Paddy says, “I’ve put the dog in our yard, lets see how they like it!”

* By the time the Army man pulled into a little town every hotel room had been taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded, “or just a bed. I don’t care which.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy bloke,” admitted the Manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost with you. But to tell the truth, he snores so loudly that the people in the adjoining rooms have complained. I’m not sure it would be worth it to you.”
“No problem”, said the tired soldier, “I’ll take it.” Next morning he came down to breakfast, bright eyed and bushy tailed.
“How’d you sleep?” asked the Manager. “Never better,” the soldier replied. The Manager was impressed. “No problem with the other bloke snoring then?”
“None, I shut him up in no time.” “How did you manage to do that?” exclaimed the Manager.
“He was already in bed when I came into the room. I went over, kissed him on the cheek and said “goodnight darling.”
“He sat up and lay awake all night watching me.”

* Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet the mother rushed him to the hospital emergency unit.
“He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two.”
“How can I be sure?” mum persisted. “Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the side of the refrigerator. when he falls off, you’ll know.”

* A man was telling his neighbour. “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbour. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”

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